Dec 9 2018 Reply Favorite Retweet
@thedad
When my daughter gets to be old enough to drive, I’m not going to tell her what to do from the passenger seat like all the other anxious parents. I’m going to sit in the backseat and kick the back of the chair the whole time because it’s payback time
Dec 9 2018 Reply Favorite Retweet
@rachsyme
remember when you were little and your aunt's xmas list was like "thick socks and a bag of nice coffee" and you were like, what a strange list wonder what her life is like maybe it's sad and then you got older and you realized she knew exactly how to
Dec 9 2018 Retweet
@curlycomedy
If there isn’t a Mother’s Day Card that says, “Thank you for your cervix,” I don’t know what any of us are doing.