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Thehealeroftru
It's hard to be naked and baked without wondering why the two words don't rhyme.
kellyoxford
Coffee's a great way to fool yourself into believing you're going to have a productive day.
IamEnidColeslaw
The cashier is telling me to "have a nice day," but judging by her tone she wants me to "die in a tire fire."
juliussharpe
In most conversations, my face is basically a red battery logo with 10% written next to it.
MistookMistake
Of course I can tweet, talk on the phone, eat a hamburger, and apply my lipstick. I'm only driving, you know.
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Jan 27
Tweet or user no longer exists. Only old retweeting is available.
Submitted by @MrEberhard