Fun Tweets / A collection of funny tweets, updated daily

TequilaTears Went to take out money from the ATM and hit Español by accident.It replied, 'Nice try, you don't get paid until all the onions are chopped'.

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JimGaffigan My problem is I don’t like working out in front of people or when I’m alone.

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yoyoha Shit old people Google: 1. Dubstep 2. Skrillrex 3. Hashtag 4. DTF 5. Steampunk 6. Pinterest 7. Linsanity 8. Scarlett Johansson naked

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MrFornicator I'm thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there's this thing called Google now.

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badbanana I took my child to work almost ten months ago, people. Is there seriously not a Take Your Child Back Home Day?

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HannahAntics WHAT DO WE WANT? If you have to ask, we're not telling you! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? We don't know! -Women's protest rally.

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