Dec 12 2018 Reply Favorite Retweet
@Emma_Oh_
Overheard a woman say very angrily on the phone “I married a stale ham sandwich of a human” and calling someone a stale ham sandwich is probably my new favorite insult
Dec 12 2018 Reply Favorite Retweet
@kpfeffss
I took an uber alone at 2am and when I got out my uber driver was like “have fun, get that dick!” and I said “hell yes thank you!!” because I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was being dropped at my moms house cause we have to wake up early to cel
Dec 12 2018 Reply Favorite Retweet
@notfolu
types of vacations I need - a week to deep clean everything I own, twice - a week to just sleep, then sleep some more - a week where I don't speak to anyone - a week where I can cook constantly and never have to clean up - 2-3 days where I don't hav
Dec 12 2018 Reply Favorite Retweet
@natfos
HR at my work just called me and i thought i was in trouble for something but they just let me know my 11-year-old sister has been commenting on their instagram every day telling them to give me a raise