Aug 9 2019 Reply Favorite Retweet
@PFTompkins
Best part about eating alone at a restaurant & being on your phone? The moments when you’ve refreshed the feed & there’s nothing new and you realize what a mindless insect you look like, absolutely
Aug 9 2019 Reply Favorite Retweet
@RayKump
One time, this telemarketer called me trying to sell me stock in some company, and for like 20 minutes, I pretended I was interested. When he realized I was stringing him along, he said he could tell by my voice how fat I was, and then he ended up se