Apr 8 Reply Favorite Retweet @GaryJanetti "I look like shit. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster the last three days." - Jesus' gay friend
Apr 8 Reply Favorite Retweet @funnyordie Jesus Christ died for your decorative eggs and delicious chocolate. Happy Easter!
Apr 8 Reply Favorite Retweet @IamEnidColeslaw My condolences to the children whose mean, vegan parents are making them hunt for painted rocks today.
Apr 8 Reply Favorite Retweet @AndyRichter My kids have no holiday spirit! When I woke 'em at 5 waving two rabbit carcasses yelling "HE IS RISEN!", they freakin' cried! WTF?
Apr 7 Reply Favorite Retweet @samalmightysam I bet Jesus got so drunk/high, he passed out & woke up 3 days later with a huge hangover. That's what I'm telling my neighbor's kids anyway.
Apr 7 Reply Favorite Retweet @GaryJanetti "No way I'm going in to work today, I'm a mess." - Jesus' gay friend
Apr 7 Reply Favorite Retweet @RexHuppke They have some beautiful all-natural Easter treats at Whole Foods if you want your children to think the Easter Bunny's a dick.