@BorowitzReport
Official #Facebook IPO slogan: "You've already wasted your time on Facebook. Now waste your money."

@FuelOnline
Why is Facebook going public? They couldn’t figure out the privacy settings either :p

@EliBraden
Bono stands to make $1.5 billion today off his Facebook investment. Too bad he'll probably blow it all on potatoes and Guinness :(

@nichcarlson
Facebook IPO is Kate & William's wedding for business nerds

@BorowitzReport
#Facebook will be worth even more someday to the alien scientists trying to determine why humans perished.

@RexHuppke
Torn between buying one-fifth of a share of Facebook stock, a gallon of gas or a Venti soy latte.

@jwherrman
The founder of Friendster stops coding and looks up from his iBook for the first time in 10 years. Apartment's filthy. CNBC is on. "Dang."

@robdelaney
Sit down before you read this. OK, ready? Mark Zuckerberg has made over *SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS* today.