Fun Tweets / Tweets about Mitt Romney

@ChaseMit
Romney emerges from basement with full beard, chugs entire bottle of San Pellegrino, hurls it against wall. Politely sweeps up broken glass.

Nov 8 Reply Favorite Retweet

@matthewbaldwin
MORMON ELECTION GAME: Every time Romney becomes president, drink.

Nov 8 Reply Favorite Retweet

@meganamram
Now that he's lost, Mitt Romney can reveal his true identity as a spam email

Nov 4 Reply Favorite Retweet

@TheFakeCNN
Sources say Romney plans to shotgun a caffeine-free Coca Cola if he wins Tuesday.

Nov 2 Reply Favorite Retweet

@LawbsterSaid
Mitt Romney is what you get if you don't murder Batman's parents.

Oct 27 Reply Favorite Retweet

@kibblesmith
If Obama's message for 2012 is 'Forward,' the message of the Romney campaign has definitely been 'Accidentally Reply-All.'

Oct 22 Reply Favorite Retweet

@C_Mitch18
Mitt Romney looks like the dude in the elevator who acts like he doesn't see you coming and lets the doors close.

Oct 22 Reply Favorite Retweet

@DamienFahey
Make your own Romney for President lawn sign by murdering a homeless guy and securing him to a tree with duct tape from Staples.

Oct 17 Reply Favorite Retweet

@hipstermermaid
Mitt Romney probably gives out those little boxes of raisins on Halloween.

Oct 17 Reply Favorite Retweet

@TheTweetOfGod
Mitt Romney has a son named Tagg. Coincidentally, "Mittuntagg" is a German word meaning "the joy you feel imagining the less fortunate".

Oct 17 Reply Favorite Retweet

@BoobsRadley
A rack in Anthropologie. The sweaters suddenly part. "Excuse me miss," whispers Mitt Romney. "Are you qualified for a career in government?"

Oct 16 Reply Favorite Retweet

@bazecraze
I'm not sure America is ready for a rich, white, homophobic president with a moderately shady business background.

Oct 3 Reply Favorite Retweet

@unsupervised
Mitt Romney’s favorite character on “The Wire” is The System.

Sep 30 Retweet

@BorowitzReport
People are calling the Romney campaign a train wreck and I think that's so unfair to trains.

Sep 25 Reply Favorite Retweet

@robdelaney
Campaign stress is getting to Romney. I hear he's up to 4 ginger ales a day.

Sep 20 Reply Favorite Retweet

@BorowitzReport
As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

Sep 19 Reply Favorite Retweet

@MrAlanSpencer
If Mitt Romney loses, he’ll just build a full sized recreation of the White House and pretend he won.

Sep 19 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jackmackenroth
I'm not a fan of Romney, but you have to admire his unwavering commitment to jamming his entire foot in his mouth.

Sep 17 Reply Favorite Retweet

@robdelaney
I'm concerned that Romney's master strategy is literally to make us feel bad for him & that it's working on me.

Sep 17 Reply Favorite Retweet

@pourmecoffee
If Romney were to somehow get elected, he'd have to be constantly calling Obama so he could know how to do the opposite.

Sep 17 Reply Favorite Retweet

@MikeDrucker
Mitt Romney looks like the guy who coaches the evil kids' team in a Disney sports movie.

Sep 17 Reply Favorite Retweet

@UNTRESOR
Gonna try to win the Powerball today so I can become part of Romney's middle class.

Sep 14 Reply Favorite Retweet

@RexHuppke
Mitt Romney says he defines "middle-income" as people who make $200,000 to $250,000 a year. I think I just turned into a hobo.

Sep 11 Reply Favorite Retweet

@ChrisRRegan
Romney vows to keep "God" on coins, also demands to know what "coins" are.

Aug 30 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jenstatsky
"The Sports Authority" sounds like what Mitt Romney would call the ref while watching a football game. #RNC

Aug 30 Reply Favorite Retweet

@robdelaney
Mitt Romney's email password is "Chamomile."

Aug 29 Reply Favorite Retweet

@DamienFahey
Mitt Romney could win this election in a landslide if he strutted onstage and said only the words, "Free wifi, EVERYWHERE!" #RNC

Aug 28 Reply Favorite Retweet

@DJRotaryRachel
I bet Romney throws a tantrum if his wife doesn't put a mustard smiley-face on his sandwich bread. "Dammit, Ann, it takes two seconds!"

Aug 28 Reply Favorite Retweet

@robdelaney
BREAKING: Romney's seams split, hundreds of tiny Akins & Trumps cascade out on avalanche of stuffing, shouting "WHEEEE!"

Aug 27 Reply Favorite Retweet

@hipstermermaid
Mitt Romney laughed maniacally through the first fifteen minutes of Pixar's "Up."

Aug 24 Reply Favorite Retweet

@MikeDrucker
Mitt Romney said that no one's ever asked to see his birth certificate. Probably because he's never had to fill out paperwork at a real job.

Aug 22 Reply Favorite Retweet

@GerryDuggan
Jenna Jameson endorsed Mitt Romney because he's been videotaped holding every possible position too.

Aug 22 Reply Favorite Retweet

@fart
1961: a young mitt romney straps an iguana to his bike frame

Aug 14 Reply Favorite Retweet

@hipstermermaid
Before you judge Mitt Romney by his wealth, try walking a mile in his backyard.

Aug 11 Reply Favorite Retweet

@juliussharpe
Mitt Romney is the first candidate I can remember who's less interesting than the podium.

Aug 9 Reply Favorite Retweet

@KenJennings
"Mmmm! Mild salsa!" --Mitt Romney

Jul 30 Reply Favorite Retweet

@bazecraze
Mitt Romney has done a great job of making his religion the least ridiculous thing about him.

Jul 23 Retweet

@BorowitzReport
BREAKING: Mitt Romney will embark on a three-nation foreign trip to visit his money.

Jul 16 Reply Favorite Retweet

@DamienFahey
Make your own Mitt Romney at home by placing a Brooks Brothers tie around a bowl of lukewarm plain oatmeal.

Jul 13 Reply Favorite Retweet

@meganamram
I wouldn't be surprised one bit if it turns out that Mitt Romney is one of those inflatable tube guys from car dealerships

Jul 11 Reply Favorite Retweet

@DannyZuker
Mitt Romney is the white guy black comics have been imitating since the seventies.

Jul 10 Reply Favorite Retweet

@GuyEndoreKaiser
Mitt Romney is a grown man who doesn’t drink coffee because he believes it will upset his god, but sure, let’s give him the launch codes.

Jun 27 Reply Favorite Retweet

@chrisdelia
You know when it cuts to a close up of the guy's face when watching porn? That's what it'll be like for 4 years if Romney is president.

Jun 7 Reply Favorite Retweet

@juliussharpe
Mitt Romney's hotmail account got hacked. If I was Obama, I'd bring that up in every debate. "He has hotmail".

Jun 5 Reply Favorite Retweet

@robdelaney
"Ha ha ha! Terrific!" - Mitt Romney, every time Jar Jar Binks appears on screen

May 24 Reply Favorite Retweet

@bazecraze
"My name is Mitt Romney, and I've been told that I would like to be your president."

May 18 Reply Favorite Retweet

@KenJennings
Romney just announced his agenda for his first day in office. So cool that he writes fan fiction!

Apr 4 Retweet

@clarkekant
Mitt Romney 2012: He's not half black.