Beef_Tongue
I just signed a deal with my liquor store that when I die I'll be stuffed in the Capt. Morgan pose and displayed inside their store.

Beef_Tongue
I just flushed a stink bug down the toilet along with the dump. Who's the stink bug now, Bitch?

Beef_Tongue
My home phone rang. Weird.

Beef_Tongue
I could be Robin Hood if I had a bow and arrows and something to steal and give away and an old English accent and a gang of merry men.

Beef_Tongue
I wonder if Martha Washington ever got splinters from George's teeth.

Beef_Tongue
My bathroom smells like somebody just took a shit when I walked out of it.

Beef_Tongue
If I could be Brad Pitt for a day, I'd dress Angelina in a Santa Suit and beg her to violate herself with a Hickory Farms Summer Sausage.