@BettyLies
You know you're an adult when you suddenly start taking Bert's side over Ernie's.
You know you're an adult when you suddenly start taking Bert's side over Ernie's.
Tweets by @BettyLies added on Fun Tweets.
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@BettyLies
It makes me sad that in this age of computers and video games, my children will never understand what it's like to be raised by television.
It makes me sad that in this age of computers and video games, my children will never understand what it's like to be raised by television.
@BettyLies
If you've never played Tetris, you're probably useless at loading a dishwasher.
If you've never played Tetris, you're probably useless at loading a dishwasher.
@BettyLies
I hope rapidly clicking this arrow on Google Street View counts as jogging.
I hope rapidly clicking this arrow on Google Street View counts as jogging.
@BettyLies
I need to start buying Tupperware to store my leftovers before throwing them out two weeks later.
I need to start buying Tupperware to store my leftovers before throwing them out two weeks later.
@BettyLies
Happy "Don't Worry About the Dishes, Honey, You'll Find Time for Them Tomorrow" Day!
Happy "Don't Worry About the Dishes, Honey, You'll Find Time for Them Tomorrow" Day!
@BettyLies
Started my new job yesterday, and have to go back in today already. THIS IS BULLSHIT.
Started my new job yesterday, and have to go back in today already. THIS IS BULLSHIT.
@BettyLies
So glad my boobs don't honk. Talk about a mood-killer.
So glad my boobs don't honk. Talk about a mood-killer.
@BettyLies
The sexts are coming from inside the house!
The sexts are coming from inside the house!
@BettyLies
"I thought that too, but I didn't say it out loud, because I'm not a racist." - a racist
"I thought that too, but I didn't say it out loud, because I'm not a racist." - a racist
@BettyLies
I'm thinking of re-releasing my old tweets in 3D.
I'm thinking of re-releasing my old tweets in 3D.
@BettyLies
I started volunteering with children today. Should I use anti-bacterial hand gel, or is spraying them in the face with Lysol enough?
I started volunteering with children today. Should I use anti-bacterial hand gel, or is spraying them in the face with Lysol enough?
@BettyLies
They say playing video games is a waste of time, but I credit Tetris for the speed and agility I display when bagging my own groceries.
They say playing video games is a waste of time, but I credit Tetris for the speed and agility I display when bagging my own groceries.
@BettyLies
"You're stepping on all the cracks, but you don't have to worry about it because your mother's dead" - my seven-year-old to me this morning
"You're stepping on all the cracks, but you don't have to worry about it because your mother's dead" - my seven-year-old to me this morning
@BettyLies
It sounds like the dog's nails need trimming. Either that or she's off in the distance, typing, "It was a dark and stormy night."
It sounds like the dog's nails need trimming. Either that or she's off in the distance, typing, "It was a dark and stormy night."
@BettyLies
I just sneezed so violently, I think it qualifies as an ab workout. (Screw you, I'm counting it.)
I just sneezed so violently, I think it qualifies as an ab workout. (Screw you, I'm counting it.)
@BettyLies
Cosmo says "untamed va-jay-jays" are back in style. Can't they call them car wash mitts like the rest of us?
Cosmo says "untamed va-jay-jays" are back in style. Can't they call them car wash mitts like the rest of us?
@BettyLies
My daughter asked me if opposite day is real. I said yes. Because, you know. Opposite.
My daughter asked me if opposite day is real. I said yes. Because, you know. Opposite.
@BettyLies
It's been a brutal heatwave with no respite, but things will finally cool off tomorrow and rain. I can't wait to complain about that.
It's been a brutal heatwave with no respite, but things will finally cool off tomorrow and rain. I can't wait to complain about that.
@BettyLies
My husband asked if I've heard of Justin Bieber. Then he hooked up the horse and plowed the back 40 because he's Amish, apparently.
My husband asked if I've heard of Justin Bieber. Then he hooked up the horse and plowed the back 40 because he's Amish, apparently.
@BettyLies
The nice thing about being a girl is OH MY FUCKING GOD THERE'S A BAT IN THE HOUSE, HONEY, GET IT! GET IT!
The nice thing about being a girl is OH MY FUCKING GOD THERE'S A BAT IN THE HOUSE, HONEY, GET IT! GET IT!
@BettyLies
Face down, ass up, that's the way babies often sleep. Adorable!
Face down, ass up, that's the way babies often sleep. Adorable!
@BettyLies
I hate it when people think I'm dumb. I follow current events. Like the World Cup, for instance. I'm totally rooting for Vuvuzela.
I hate it when people think I'm dumb. I follow current events. Like the World Cup, for instance. I'm totally rooting for Vuvuzela.
@BettyLies
Intelligent people are some of the biggest idiots I've ever met.
Intelligent people are some of the biggest idiots I've ever met.
@BettyLies
I'd say I avoid Facebook like the plague, but I don't do much to avoid the plague.
I'd say I avoid Facebook like the plague, but I don't do much to avoid the plague.
@BettyLies
I swear, just as she was falling asleep, my seven-year-old murmured "giggity."
I swear, just as she was falling asleep, my seven-year-old murmured "giggity."
@BettyLies
Oh, I just love it when people are being sarcastic. That's just really great. Thanks a lot.
Oh, I just love it when people are being sarcastic. That's just really great. Thanks a lot.
@BettyLies
Stop! Hammered time.
Stop! Hammered time.
@BettyLies
Until you lean in to hear a seven-year-old's whisper, you don't realize that front teeth act as a retaining wall for spit.
Until you lean in to hear a seven-year-old's whisper, you don't realize that front teeth act as a retaining wall for spit.
@BettyLies
Bless me, Father, for I have used Comic Sans. It's been eight weeks since my last use of Helvetica.
Bless me, Father, for I have used Comic Sans. It's been eight weeks since my last use of Helvetica.
@BettyLies
I've lost 10 pounds! Well, I subtracted five for PMS. That Q-Tip I was holding must be at least a pound. Plus my hair was wet. Go, me!
I've lost 10 pounds! Well, I subtracted five for PMS. That Q-Tip I was holding must be at least a pound. Plus my hair was wet. Go, me!
@BettyLies
Nothing will get this Billy Joel song out of my head. At this point, I'm praying for a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack.
Nothing will get this Billy Joel song out of my head. At this point, I'm praying for a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack.