@BorowitzReport
Romney: "There's no place more important to me than Israel except Ohio." #debate

@BorowitzReport
People are calling the Romney campaign a train wreck and I think that's so unfair to trains.

@BorowitzReport
If billionaires were allowed to influence the results on American Idol instead of American elections, there would be rioting in the streets.

@BorowitzReport
As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

@BorowitzReport
"Damn, Romney really needs to be more careful about the things he says." -- Mel Gibson

@BorowitzReport
Twitter is an amazing source of useful information, the way a haystack is an amazing source of needles.