@ChaseMit
A very cool thing about living in America is that sometimes you have to check and make sure you’re not accidentally tweeting something lighthearted during a mass shooting

@ChaseMit
Matthew McConaughey's acting secret is that he always just came

@ChaseMit
Ordering beef: "Was this killed humanely? Did it suffer?" Ordering lobster: "I'd like to rip this to pieces in front of its entire family."

@ChaseMit
"Hey, wait" - African children watching Gatorade get dumped on a winning coach

@ChaseMit
Pouring one out for your homie is extra sad because first your friend died and now there's a mess.

@ChaseMit
Taking a nap until my carbon monoxide detector stops beeping.