@CroweJam
Yesterday I was just a dude in a hoody whispering Black Sabbath lyrics to a goat. Today, I am the leader of a petting zoo cult.

@CroweJam
Been a while since I've gone on Spring Break. How many wet T-shirts should I pack?

@CroweJam
Tired of being fat and pasty? Put tanning bed lights in your refrigerator.

@CroweJam
Tossed and turned all night. I gotta stop moisturizing with salad dressing.

@CroweJam
"Men, we need a durable lunch meat that can also be used as a hockey puck." - makers of Spam.

@CroweJam
I can't get in and out of a folding lawn chair without looking like a special needs Greco-Roman wrestler.