@IamEnidColeslaw
mistletoe is the gateway drug to pregnancy

@IamEnidColeslaw
welcome to Olive Garden! when you're here, you're family. sit up straight. have you gained weight? why can't you be more like your sister

@IamEnidColeslaw
when you post a tweet so good you have to do a bunch of push-ups & your mom bangs on your door & tells you to stop breathing so loud

@IamEnidColeslaw
what base is it when he catches you sucking on a ketchup packet

@IamEnidColeslaw
I tell people my parents are divorced, but technically we lost my mom in a corn maze

@IamEnidColeslaw
just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I'm gonna need a minute