@JennyJohnsonHi5
I posted "Happy Almost Mother's Day!" on this chick I grew up with's Facebook page, guess I was the only one who remembered her abortion.

@JennyJohnsonHi5
I wish there was a job that required me to pet a room full of basset hounds all day long.

@JennyJohnsonHi5
Sorry, but your kids don't look adorable when they lose their teeth, they look like tiny homeless people.

@JennyJohnsonHi5
I bet sex with a stingray is like fucking a giant pancake.

@JennyJohnsonHi5
Is it "butt" naked or "buck" naked? Either way, this dentist appointment is making me very uncomfortable.

@JennyJohnsonHi5
At this point making fun of Lindsay Lohan feels like laughing at the underprivileged Little League team who has to play in blue jeans.