@KarenKilgariff
In times like these it’s comforting to think how much that bro who came up with bros before hos deeply loved his bros

@KarenKilgariff
once at a party I was stuck in a boring group conversation then I remembered I had a banana in my purse so I pulled it out answered it like a phone and said “Sorry guys I have to take this” and walked away we are the masters of our own fate

@KarenKilgariff
I mean there's just no way the magnum ice cream people didn't know how gross they were being when they named their filthy product

@KarenKilgariff
In the midst of all this negativity and hate please take comfort in remembering that I have a 5 star uber passenger rating

@KarenKilgariff
why do people swerve I love running over stuff

@KarenKilgariff
I just changed the clock in my car to show the actual time here comes the good life