@Mom_Overboard
Is it spelled titties or tiddies? I want this family newsletter to be perfect.

@Mom_Overboard
[welcoming someone into my home] sorry about the mess I've been sick for four days and a terrible housekeeper my whole life

@Mom_Overboard
75% of the time spent together in modern relationships is just comparing phone battery life to determine who gets to use the charger first

@Mom_Overboard
Punched myself in the face while pulling up my covers if you were looking for a goddess in the bedroom

@Mom_Overboard
[ordering a new laptop with all the bells and whistles] boy oh boy I'm gonna watch so much Netflix in bed on this