MrFornicator
My smart phone has a lot of capabilities, but none as valuable as being able to pretend I’m on it when I run into someone I know in public.

MrFornicator
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.

MrFornicator
IHTGYATSWTFIM = I had to Google your acronym to see what the fuck it meant.

MrFornicator
My superpower is predicting the exact day I’ll need something that sat idle in a drawer for months so I can throw it away the day before.

MrFornicator
Flavor Flav is going to be one busy son of a bitch tonight.

MrFornicator
Racism is for lazy people who don’t take the time to learn enough about someone to dislike them for a much better reason.