May 4 2011 Reply Favorite Retweet @NewMoneyComedy I wouldn't be so scared of spiders if they were wearing tiny shoes.
Mar 9 2011 Reply Favorite Retweet @NewMoneyComedy When someone uses an elipsis at the end of a text message I assume they fell off a cliff.
Mar 5 2011 Reply Favorite Retweet @NewMoneyComedy I'm should probably update everyone who wrote "Have a great summer!" in my high school yearbook. It was okay.
Jan 5 2011 Retweet @NewMoneyComedy I only break out my Cookie Monster impression if a date is going terribly or really well.
Jan 1 2011 Reply Favorite Retweet @NewMoneyComedy Children shouldn't talk to strangers. Not because strangers are dangerous, but because children are incapable of meaningful conversations.