Tweets by @NightValeRadio added on Fun Tweets.
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Jan 21 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
Wanna feel old? Make comparative judgments based on how long you’ve been alive versus how long younger people have been alive. Wild.

Jan 15 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
Eat* a big** bowl*** of Cheerios****! Part***** of any healthy****** breakfast*******! [please read warnings and disclaimers carefully]

Apr 10 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
I'm sure everything will be fine. I'm sure of lots of things that are wrong. I'm highly fallible.

Aug 14 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
If you love something, set it free. If it scurries up a wall, spins a web, & eats insects, it was probably a beagle or hound of some sort.

Jun 26 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
If at first you don’t succeed, then you will have alerted them to your presence. It is important that you at first succeed.

Apr 17 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
Everything happens for a reason. The reason is a chaotic intersection of chance and the laws of physics.

Mar 20 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a huge bird unlike any we've ever seen before! What kind of bird is that? Just look at that bird!

Mar 6 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
I know I sound like a broken record but tomorrow I'll sound like a misfiring engine and, next week, continuous loud television static.

Feb 17 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
"At least your heart's in the right place," I say, softly running my hand across a translucent take-out container.

Feb 15 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
I only have eyes for you. We sold out of skin swaths & teeth a couple hours ago. Last few eyes are in that bucket. (50% off bruised ones.)

Feb 13 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
You say you’re going to be alone on Valentine’s Day, but you forget about the insects, ghosts, & surveillance devices in your home.

Part of a collection

Feb 6 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
A word to the wise. A paragraph to the smart. A long-form essay to the oblivious. A silent, meaningful gesture to the enlightened.

Jan 14 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)

Jan 10 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
Talking too much is a sign of insecurity. So is keeping too quiet. So is breathing and having been born a human.

Dec 20 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
Last Christmas I gave you my heart. The very next day you were still quite shaken over this gory and incomprehensible gesture.

Part of a collection

Nov 26 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
Believe in yourself. Build a religion around yourself. Canonize your quotidian tasks. Build idols of yourself in your best outfits.

Nov 9 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
Secret agents asking citizens to please speak more clearly in all phone calls. Also, cut the chitchat and get to the good stuff, they ask.

Nov 8 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
Talk to the hand. The hand is lonely and needs some company. What are you up to? How's work? You look great. You want some tea?

Oct 18 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
Your password must be at least 8 characters long & contain a capital letter, a number, and a hideous personal secret.

Sep 2 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
On this day in history: people related to you whose names you do not know performed actions that were never recorded.

Jul 27 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
Ask your doctor why there are claw marks on the wall. Ask your doctor to stop growling. Ask your doctor to stop climbing and smelling you.

Jul 17 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@NightValeRadio
A ghost walks into a bar. The bartender says "I feel cold." The ghost lingers for years. The bartender grows despondent, lost.