Tweets by @Paxochka added on Fun Tweets.


Mar 21 Favorite Retweet
Paxochka
Dear Hollywood, When you adapt a book into a movie here's a novel idea: try reading it first for a change. Assholes.
Jan 3 Favorite Retweet
Paxochka
If you take something for granted you risk losing it. When I finally find my car keys, I'm telling them how much I love them.
Aug 19 2011 Favorite Retweet
Paxochka
I learned today that "bust a nut" doesn't mean "work really hard" and boy aren't I embarrassed about using it in all those work memos.
Aug 3 2011 Favorite Retweet
Paxochka
My work ethic could best be described as "procrastinate as much as possible then frantically scream OH FUCK right before the deadline."
Jul 12 2011 Favorite Retweet
Paxochka
You know when you find the BEST hiding place ever to keep something safe and it's so good you forget where it was? That's me and passwords.
Mar 3 2011 Favorite Retweet
Paxochka
Can someone explain to me why I agreed to go camping this weekend? I'm pretty sure tents don't have wifi and I will most likely die.
Feb 21 2011 Favorite Retweet
Paxochka
I'll accept the 'fat fingers' excuse for typos but if you fuck up your/you're I'm going to need to see a doctor's note explaining your IQ.
Dec 31 2010 Retweet
Paxochka
Starting now, every hour, on the hour, walk up to a stranger and slip the tongue in. Because it's midnight somewhere. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dec 20 2010 Retweet
Paxochka
I'd rather pick my nose in traffic than arrive at my destination with a crusty booger. Anyone who says different is a liar.
Dec 5 2010 Retweet
Paxochka
Thank you, possum, for rustling outside the window when some show about serial killers is on. It really helped with my insomnia.
Nov 29 2010 Retweet
Paxochka
I've found the perfect weight-loss system for Americans. Convert to the metric system and lose half your weight in just seconds.
Nov 23 2010 Retweet
Paxochka
Every tweet has 140 characters and if some of you learned the difference between it's and its you'd have one to spare.
Oct 31 2010 Retweet
Paxochka
I was very impressed by this child's witch costume. Until I realised she was just an ugly midget in a black dress.
Oct 22 2010 Retweet
Paxochka
Do you think all these parents who named their daughters after flowers really gave much thought to how much teenage boys like to pluck?
Oct 19 2010 Retweet
Paxochka
I picked my nose in traffic today. Secretly hoping a tweeter who had run out of joke material saw me. You've gotta give to get, people.
Oct 6 2010 Retweet
Paxochka
I'm glad I didn't go to primary school with Freud. I bet his "your mom" jokes made a few kids cry.
Sep 28 2010 Retweet
Paxochka
I told the dog it is weird that he follows me into the bathroom all the time. So he walked out. Now I'm weirded out that he speaks English.
Sep 10 2010 Retweet
Paxochka
What is it about glow sticks that makes me want to dance in a field wearing fairy wings? If only I hadn't taken so many drugs I'd know this.
Aug 4 2010 Retweet
Paxochka
When you tell me to behave you really should be more specific. Behaving badly is still behaving. Technically...