@RamblingMachine
Everything is always funnier once you are not allowed to laugh.

@RamblingMachine
The phrase "Silence is golden" doesn't make any sense because duct tape is silver.

@RamblingMachine
I had skylights installed at my place last night and I don't get why the people who live upstairs aren't okay with this.

@RamblingMachine
I spend more time on twitter than I do in church. I'd rather vent to imaginary friends on the Internet than to imaginary friends in the sky.