@RexHuppke
This national park is nice but the cell service sucks. I can only enjoy natural beauty if I can tweet ironically about it.

@RexHuppke
If global warming was causing guns to melt, we'd all be driving electric cars within two weeks.

@RexHuppke
BREAKING: Statement from Vatican says Pope resigning so he can "spend more time judging your family"

@RexHuppke
I went into Whole Foods tonight and yelled, "Somebody's Labradoodle just jumped out of a parked Subaru!" and everyone ran out.

@RexHuppke
Sorry, I'm holding out for the Zune Mini.

@RexHuppke
It's the time of year when we are forced to confront America's greatest tragedy: men wearing winter scarves way too early.