@Sarcasmo718
Purell is 99.8% effective in reminding you about your paper cut.
Purell is 99.8% effective in reminding you about your paper cut.
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@Sarcasmo718
You lost me at "my psychic said.."
You lost me at "my psychic said.."
@Sarcasmo718
I don't think this girl on Facebook will "survive" the 2nd day of her diet.. I'll keep you posted.
I don't think this girl on Facebook will "survive" the 2nd day of her diet.. I'll keep you posted.
@Sarcasmo718
I never know the proper handshake to give a black guy wearing a suit.
I never know the proper handshake to give a black guy wearing a suit.
@Sarcasmo718
If you're thinking about making a sex tape, don't, you're 50.
If you're thinking about making a sex tape, don't, you're 50.
@Sarcasmo718
Gay dudes need to clarify when saying they went through a box of tissues watching a movie.
Gay dudes need to clarify when saying they went through a box of tissues watching a movie.
@Sarcasmo718
It's hard to have a Polaroid camera and not seem "kidnappy".
It's hard to have a Polaroid camera and not seem "kidnappy".
@Sarcasmo718
If it's a boy, I'm naming him after my father, Anonymous.
If it's a boy, I'm naming him after my father, Anonymous.
@Sarcasmo718
"Dear Gillette, 5 blades on the Fusion is enough, chill out." -Seal
"Dear Gillette, 5 blades on the Fusion is enough, chill out." -Seal
@Sarcasmo718
If we stop neutering our dogs then the Terriers have won.
If we stop neutering our dogs then the Terriers have won.
@Sarcasmo718
Totally gonna fail the Black History test at the end of the Month.
Totally gonna fail the Black History test at the end of the Month.
@Sarcasmo718
Sometimes, I drive by the schoolyard and scream "STOP WASTING YOUR FUCKING TIME!" to white kids playing basketball.
Sometimes, I drive by the schoolyard and scream "STOP WASTING YOUR FUCKING TIME!" to white kids playing basketball.
@Sarcasmo718
Someone tell Death that alphabetically, Cummings is before Houston
Someone tell Death that alphabetically, Cummings is before Houston
@Sarcasmo718
Starting to think these Herman Cain commemorative coins were a bad investment.
Starting to think these Herman Cain commemorative coins were a bad investment.
@Sarcasmo718
Using my toes to pick something up makes it hard to go to church on Sunday.
Using my toes to pick something up makes it hard to go to church on Sunday.
@Sarcasmo718
Do we even know how much anything else costs in Africa? Maybe $1 a day to feed a child is way too much.
Do we even know how much anything else costs in Africa? Maybe $1 a day to feed a child is way too much.
@Sarcasmo718
I'm glad I'll never know the pressure a black guy has when "shooting" garbage into the waste basket.
I'm glad I'll never know the pressure a black guy has when "shooting" garbage into the waste basket.
@Sarcasmo718
"I can't wait to move back to Mexico." -No Juan, ever
"I can't wait to move back to Mexico." -No Juan, ever
@Sarcasmo718
My walk of shame is when i'm going home from an Adam Sandler movie.
My walk of shame is when i'm going home from an Adam Sandler movie.
@Sarcasmo718
The difficulty of killing a single bird with one stone has been grossly misjudged.
The difficulty of killing a single bird with one stone has been grossly misjudged.
@Sarcasmo718
I get scared visiting the ghetto on Google street view.
I get scared visiting the ghetto on Google street view.
@Sarcasmo718
Is she hot?- A guy's reply to any story that starts with "This girl I know.."
Is she hot?- A guy's reply to any story that starts with "This girl I know.."
@Sarcasmo718
I'll buy the magic mushrooms, fireballs and flying raccoons but a Princess dating an Italian plumber?
I'll buy the magic mushrooms, fireballs and flying raccoons but a Princess dating an Italian plumber?
@Sarcasmo718
"I don't care how much you hate this person, I REALLY suggest you two be friends." -Facebook
"I don't care how much you hate this person, I REALLY suggest you two be friends." -Facebook
@Sarcasmo718
Steve Buscemi makes me regret buying a high definition tv.
Steve Buscemi makes me regret buying a high definition tv.
@Sarcasmo718
I don't think black people know that you can get just one tattoo.
I don't think black people know that you can get just one tattoo.
@Sarcasmo718
The weirder Rihanna's tattoos get the less I blame Chris Brown.
The weirder Rihanna's tattoos get the less I blame Chris Brown.
@Sarcasmo718
The guy that takes a picture for girls at a club never gets laid.
The guy that takes a picture for girls at a club never gets laid.
@Sarcasmo718
As a man, it's impossible to walk passed a punching bag and not hit it twice before walking away.
As a man, it's impossible to walk passed a punching bag and not hit it twice before walking away.
@Sarcasmo718
I wish lap dance minutes felt like treadmill minutes.
I wish lap dance minutes felt like treadmill minutes.
@Sarcasmo718
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.
@Sarcasmo718
"Oh NOW Burger King delivers!" -Paula Deen
"Oh NOW Burger King delivers!" -Paula Deen
@Sarcasmo718
Is there a Hallmark card for "I think it's time we try anal"? There should be.
Is there a Hallmark card for "I think it's time we try anal"? There should be.
@Sarcasmo718
All i'm saying is, before Back to the Future 3, he was fine.
All i'm saying is, before Back to the Future 3, he was fine.
@Sarcasmo718
It's crazy how tornadoes know which states don't matter to us.
It's crazy how tornadoes know which states don't matter to us.
@Sarcasmo718
Nice try traffic, but I'm not murdering anyone today.
Nice try traffic, but I'm not murdering anyone today.
@Sarcasmo718
It's great that every Playmate "just wants a guy that makes them laugh", because I want a chick with fake boobs that can't form a sentence.
It's great that every Playmate "just wants a guy that makes them laugh", because I want a chick with fake boobs that can't form a sentence.
@Sarcasmo718
Someone needs to tell drug sniffing dogs about the whole "man's best friend" thing.
Someone needs to tell drug sniffing dogs about the whole "man's best friend" thing.
@Sarcasmo718
The chicks better be hot on this Mayan calendar.
The chicks better be hot on this Mayan calendar.
@Sarcasmo718
Being molested by a teacher is twice as bad for home-schooled kids.
Being molested by a teacher is twice as bad for home-schooled kids.
@Sarcasmo718
"Tell them I just left and should be there any minute." -Every delivery guy, ever
"Tell them I just left and should be there any minute." -Every delivery guy, ever
@Sarcasmo718
No amount of minority filled commercials can ruin Red Lobster for me.
No amount of minority filled commercials can ruin Red Lobster for me.
@Sarcasmo718
Nothing says "I'm unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
Nothing says "I'm unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
@Sarcasmo718
I bought my girlfriend a treadmill and a Victoria's Secret catalogue.
I bought my girlfriend a treadmill and a Victoria's Secret catalogue.
@Sarcasmo718
Ironically, seeing a picture of you flashing a peace sign makes me want to violently end your life.
Ironically, seeing a picture of you flashing a peace sign makes me want to violently end your life.
@Sarcasmo718
A fanny pack is a great place to store your manhood.
A fanny pack is a great place to store your manhood.
@Sarcasmo718
If your sandwiches were made with the end Wonder bread slices, you weren't their favorite child.
If your sandwiches were made with the end Wonder bread slices, you weren't their favorite child.
@Sarcasmo718
I don't care how polite your sign is, i'm flushing the toilet paper.
I don't care how polite your sign is, i'm flushing the toilet paper.
@Sarcasmo718
I wish my car's navigation could take human form so I can punch it in the face.
I wish my car's navigation could take human form so I can punch it in the face.
@Sarcasmo718
I need to take a new default picture but i'm nowhere near a bathroom mirror.
I need to take a new default picture but i'm nowhere near a bathroom mirror.
@Sarcasmo718
Really, auto correct, you don't recognize curse words? Grow the fuvk up.
Really, auto correct, you don't recognize curse words? Grow the fuvk up.
@Sarcasmo718
The surprise in the Cracker Jacks box is Diabetes.
The surprise in the Cracker Jacks box is Diabetes.
@Sarcasmo718
I'm the guy that starts walking away as you're giving me directions.
I'm the guy that starts walking away as you're giving me directions.
@Sarcasmo718
At some point your mother has purposely clicked on a link displaying a black penis. Sweet dreams.
At some point your mother has purposely clicked on a link displaying a black penis. Sweet dreams.
@Sarcasmo718
Eating noodles while studying for a test? That's so Ramen.
Eating noodles while studying for a test? That's so Ramen.
@Sarcasmo718
"Tell me the story behind each of your tattoos." -No one, ever
"Tell me the story behind each of your tattoos." -No one, ever
@Sarcasmo718
My attorney's sole responsibility after I die will be to unfriend people that post anything about angels on my wall.
My attorney's sole responsibility after I die will be to unfriend people that post anything about angels on my wall.
@Sarcasmo718
That awkward moment the drug dealer charges you extra for the briefcase.
That awkward moment the drug dealer charges you extra for the briefcase.
@Sarcasmo718
I'm beginning to think rappers exaggerate a Lil.
I'm beginning to think rappers exaggerate a Lil.
@Sarcasmo718
Can I program my dvr to delete Whitney but keep the funny commercials?
Can I program my dvr to delete Whitney but keep the funny commercials?
@Sarcasmo718
There are no winners in an arm wrestling match, only Nascar fans.
There are no winners in an arm wrestling match, only Nascar fans.
@Sarcasmo718
Glad the NBA lockout is over. That was like the worst thing that happened to black people, ever.
Glad the NBA lockout is over. That was like the worst thing that happened to black people, ever.
@Sarcasmo718
Black Friday is when Kim Kardashian shops for a new husband.
Black Friday is when Kim Kardashian shops for a new husband.
@Sarcasmo718
Only 1 month left til black people misspell Kwanzaa.
Only 1 month left til black people misspell Kwanzaa.
@Sarcasmo718
That awkward moment when the operator asks you to read back the confirmation number.
That awkward moment when the operator asks you to read back the confirmation number.
@Sarcasmo718
I told Siri to use Bing instead of Google.. We both laughed.
I told Siri to use Bing instead of Google.. We both laughed.
@Sarcasmo718
If Taylor Lautner bites you, how much time do you have until you turn gay?
If Taylor Lautner bites you, how much time do you have until you turn gay?
@Sarcasmo718
"It all started with a Klondike Bar.." -Nostalgic Prostitute
"It all started with a Klondike Bar.." -Nostalgic Prostitute
@Sarcasmo718
Nothing says "I've given up" like a fat person with a stomach tattoo.
Nothing says "I've given up" like a fat person with a stomach tattoo.
@Sarcasmo718
"I bet you I can get people to buy the shirt from a game they don't even know how to play." -Ralph Lauren
"I bet you I can get people to buy the shirt from a game they don't even know how to play." -Ralph Lauren
@Sarcasmo718
If there was a black character in Clue, the game would be called Solved.
If there was a black character in Clue, the game would be called Solved.
@Sarcasmo718
It's racist how they always put Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd in a bad neighborhood.
It's racist how they always put Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd in a bad neighborhood.
@Sarcasmo718
If Columbus was looking for India he should've called Dell technical support.
If Columbus was looking for India he should've called Dell technical support.
@Sarcasmo718
My grandma keeps talking about her monthly checks, prescription drugs and how much she loves Miami. I think she's a rapper.
My grandma keeps talking about her monthly checks, prescription drugs and how much she loves Miami. I think she's a rapper.
@Sarcasmo718
I love to challah at Jewish chicks.
I love to challah at Jewish chicks.
@Sarcasmo718
If my open tray table can really hinder a landing we really need to rethink the whole air travel thing.
If my open tray table can really hinder a landing we really need to rethink the whole air travel thing.
@Sarcasmo718
What's up with all these dudes growing 70s porn mustaches? They tickle.
What's up with all these dudes growing 70s porn mustaches? They tickle.
@Sarcasmo718
1 out of 5 dentists just likes being a dick.
1 out of 5 dentists just likes being a dick.
@Sarcasmo718
Leprecauns and gay guys must end up at the same places a lot.
Leprecauns and gay guys must end up at the same places a lot.
@Sarcasmo718
I came home to find shit all over my rug. Owning a dog would really help me feel better right about now.
I came home to find shit all over my rug. Owning a dog would really help me feel better right about now.
@Sarcasmo718
Hey fat people, a venti caramel mocchiato w/ whipped cream isn't coffee, its a sundae.
Hey fat people, a venti caramel mocchiato w/ whipped cream isn't coffee, its a sundae.