SassyPantssss
On a scale of 1 to Canadian bacon, how sad were you when you found out Hamlet wasn't a story about a tiny, baby ham?

SassyPantssss
She sells sea shells by the sea shore because she graduated from an online university.

SassyPantssss
Your baby was cute until I realized you're on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.

SassyPantssss
I just tried to kill a spider with hairspray. He's still alive, but his hair looks outstanding.

SassyPantssss
"This is way too delicious. Let's ruin it." -People who put pineapple on pizza.

SassyPantssss
Spiders are lucky. They can shoot magic ropes out of their butt & zip-line whenever they want to.