@TurboGrandma
Ladies, as you enter this day, remember that one chubby arm photo is going to cancel out the thirty you carefully took of your collar bone.

@TurboGrandma
I just ate my weight in kidney beans! (I weigh eight ounces.)

@TurboGrandma
The one redeeming thing about wearing a Women's Size 10 shoe is that everyone naturally assumes my dick is enormous.

@TurboGrandma
Today, a hobo called me a beautiful princess, but he pronounced it "I KNOW YOU HAVE CHANGE, YOU STUPID CRACKER BITCH!".