@WilliamRodgers
"The ONLY guaranteed way to lose weight is through Diet & Exercise!" -People who haven't tried Meth

@WilliamRodgers
Jehovah Witnesses keep coming to my house... So today I decided to answer the door naked and… Well...I solved the Girl Scout problem....

@WilliamRodgers
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...

@WilliamRodgers
The Little Mermaid (1989) The story of a girl who realizes that she should change EVERYTHING about herself to land a good man...

@WilliamRodgers
I'd rather drop a baby than my iPhone.... I mean I can make another baby.... But I have no clue how to make an iPhone...

@WilliamRodgers
Being married is a lot like being a DJ... Most nights you just tune out All noise and nod your head...