@Xytrex
You had me at- well, you're breathing and female. That's about the point you had me.

@Xytrex
Is bankruptcy spelled with one "oh shit" or two?

@Xytrex
Being OCD and an optimist, I see the glass half full but I measure to make sure it's EXACTLY half.

@Xytrex
If I exit the bathroom stall singing "Break On Through (To The Other Side)", it's best to avoid shaking my hand.

@Xytrex
My nephew: "Sometimes it gets puffy and I can't pee" Me: "Yeah, unfortunately when you get older it gets puffy and you can't think"

@Xytrex
I'm going to bed tonight at a reasonable hour so I can be extremely obnoxious at an unreasonable hour tomorrow.