@bailey
Whenever I poke my cat in the eye and he gets squinty, I feel bad and poke him in the other eye, so I can pretend he's just really high.

@bailey
Loaf me, loaf me, say that you knead me.

@bailey
I figured out Inception, guys. The whole thing was really a movie.

@bailey
I've lost most of my hearing, but it's okay because it turns out the only thing people say to me is "nothing, nevermind."

@bailey
HTML my life.

@bailey
"The toilet is overflowing." -Sir Isaac Newton