funnyoneliners
"I drive like lightening." "You drive fast?" "No. I hit trees."

funnyoneliners
Now my friends all hate me because I've been keeping my enemies closer.

funnyoneliners
Who cleans up after Seeing Eye Dogs?

funnyoneliners
The neighbors love it when I practice piano. They break my window to hear me better.

funnyoneliners
I was at a gay nineties party last night. All the men were gay and all the women were ninety.

funnyoneliners
I've just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for Christmas. Although what he wants with an ex box I'll never know.

funnyoneliners
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.