@imchriskelly
"haha yeah totally" - me to cab drivers

@imchriskelly
"She lived a long, long life. And saw basically nothing." - eulogy for a cat

@imchriskelly
i feel the most connected to other human beings when were making subtle eye contact about someones outrageous stank on the subway

@imchriskelly
hate how my phone sometimes autocorrects haha to hahahahaha. im trying to end a conversation not laugh harder than i ever have in my life.

@imchriskelly
Just learned that New York's state bird is a guy apologizing for being late because of the trains while holding a brand new coffee.

@imchriskelly
“Uh oh, that skinny actress looks fat! Aww, that fat actress looks beautiful!” - Red Carpets