@ixSEANxi
What day do we celebrate heroin
What day do we celebrate heroin
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@ixSEANxi
Never give a baby alcohol unless you want him to go on and on about, "the blacks." Racist fucking babies.
Never give a baby alcohol unless you want him to go on and on about, "the blacks." Racist fucking babies.
@ixSEANxi
I just cut my mouth on a potato chip. People in third world countries are so lucky they don't have to worry about this happening to them.
I just cut my mouth on a potato chip. People in third world countries are so lucky they don't have to worry about this happening to them.
@ixSEANxi
Sharks would look awesome with mustaches, but evolution said no. Cause evolution is a dick.
Sharks would look awesome with mustaches, but evolution said no. Cause evolution is a dick.
@ixSEANxi
"Yeah let's clone some sheep cause dinosaurs would be too awesome." - Scientists.
"Yeah let's clone some sheep cause dinosaurs would be too awesome." - Scientists.
@ixSEANxi
"I high fived a shark, and then we ate burritos." - Martin Luther King Jr.'s other dream.
"I high fived a shark, and then we ate burritos." - Martin Luther King Jr.'s other dream.
@ixSEANxi
"Honey, we're out of bootleg DVDs, and Samurai swords." - Flea Market attendees.
"Honey, we're out of bootleg DVDs, and Samurai swords." - Flea Market attendees.
@ixSEANxi
Fact: 98% of Jeep owners are guys named Jake, who wear shorts in the winter, and work at Starbucks.
Fact: 98% of Jeep owners are guys named Jake, who wear shorts in the winter, and work at Starbucks.
@ixSEANxi
"Hey, checkout my butthole." - Cats.
"Hey, checkout my butthole." - Cats.
@ixSEANxi
I can't wait to convince stupid girls into rapture sex on Friday.
I can't wait to convince stupid girls into rapture sex on Friday.
@ixSEANxi
After spending twenty minutes making up outrageous symptoms, WebMD diagnosed me immature, and an asshole.
After spending twenty minutes making up outrageous symptoms, WebMD diagnosed me immature, and an asshole.
@ixSEANxi
It's 2011, microwaves should have one button that says Cook Shit.
It's 2011, microwaves should have one button that says Cook Shit.
@ixSEANxi
The Canadian election consists of two men apologizing till one concedes, the winner is then elected king of Canada. Or something like that.
The Canadian election consists of two men apologizing till one concedes, the winner is then elected king of Canada. Or something like that.
@ixSEANxi
I can already hear the birds judging me for sleeping till noon tomorrow.
I can already hear the birds judging me for sleeping till noon tomorrow.
@ixSEANxi
Hunting should only be legal if the animals are allowed to use weapons as well. I just want to see a bear with a sniper rifle.
Hunting should only be legal if the animals are allowed to use weapons as well. I just want to see a bear with a sniper rifle.
@ixSEANxi
Buying a new phone is basically being forced into a not so fun game of "how long can I go without dropping it." Same thing with babies.
Buying a new phone is basically being forced into a not so fun game of "how long can I go without dropping it." Same thing with babies.
@ixSEANxi
I won't be impressed with science until I can download a waffle.
I won't be impressed with science until I can download a waffle.
@ixSEANxi
"Pff, I liked bread before it was sliced." - Hipster baker.
"Pff, I liked bread before it was sliced." - Hipster baker.
@ixSEANxi
I'd like people more if they were kittens instead.
I'd like people more if they were kittens instead.
@ixSEANxi
If babies knew how shitty life gets they wouldn't be giggling so much. Ignorant little bastards.
If babies knew how shitty life gets they wouldn't be giggling so much. Ignorant little bastards.
@ixSEANxi
It's 2011 and we're not driving dragons? The future sickens me.
It's 2011 and we're not driving dragons? The future sickens me.
@ixSEANxi
You're not an American until you've eaten more than the serving suggestion.
You're not an American until you've eaten more than the serving suggestion.
@ixSEANxi
Twitter: where amateurs bring top shelf humor, and professional comedians bring amateur jokes.
Twitter: where amateurs bring top shelf humor, and professional comedians bring amateur jokes.
@ixSEANxi
You should never live in the past. Unless you're a time traveler. Cause dinosaurs rule.
You should never live in the past. Unless you're a time traveler. Cause dinosaurs rule.
@ixSEANxi
"God I wish I was riding a dinosaur right now." - My brain, circa now.
"God I wish I was riding a dinosaur right now." - My brain, circa now.
@ixSEANxi
"Yo dog, this yogurt is mad delicious." -Me, eating yogurt, and talking to my dog. I'm gonna die alone aren't I?
"Yo dog, this yogurt is mad delicious." -Me, eating yogurt, and talking to my dog. I'm gonna die alone aren't I?
@ixSEANxi
Does this comic book collection make me look single?
Does this comic book collection make me look single?
@ixSEANxi
If Osama Bin Laden really wanted to cripple America he'd attack Facebook
If Osama Bin Laden really wanted to cripple America he'd attack Facebook