@jackmackenroth
If at first you don't succeed, you're probably assembling furniture from IKEA.

@jackmackenroth
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.

@jackmackenroth
"Don't worry. I'll hold your stuff, you just worry about making friends." --Cargo Pants.

@jackmackenroth
No thanks, doctor's office that used to be a house.

@jackmackenroth
I finally have enough money in my retirement account for the rest of my life. If I die on Tuesday.

@jackmackenroth
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a hoarder and then I think,"No. But I should probably keep these used band-aids just in case."