Tweets by @jonnysun added on Fun Tweets.
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Aug 18 2020 Retweet

@jonnysun
[normal life] ive worn the same shirt everyday for a week [packing for vacation] hmmm. i'll prob change a few times a day so thats…32 shirts

May 24 2020 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
if your dog is over 8 years old (56 in dog years) then your dog is a boomer, sorry

Jun 5 2017 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
who called it a Presidential Statement and not a Demalogue

May 1 2017 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
*lookig at my poasts, with suden and increasig alarm* wAIT OTHER PEOPLE CAN SEE THESE

Mar 9 2017 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
when a dog thinks u look absolutley glowing today, in dog lamguage they will say u look "gradient"

Nov 30 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
*walkig around department store that is full of wat clearly are christmas decorations* its haloween again ALREADY??

Aug 5 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
today i saw a dog barking at a ball and i thougt, ah yes, good dog. i too curse the very things which bring me joy

Jul 12 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
ducks love bread but aparently bread is bad for ducks, so dont feed ducks bread, but love ducks even more bc theyre self-destructive like us

Jul 5 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
[normal life] ive worn the same shirt everyday for a week [packing for vacation] hmmm. i'll prob change a few times a day so thats…32 shirts

Jun 7 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
*wakes up* well, it looks like its that time again. time to do just enough activity to convince my body that it needs to go back to sleep

May 24 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
invemtor of fruit-by-the-foot: [stares blankley at a roll of toilet paper for hours] WAIT I'VE GOT IT

Apr 12 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
job interview tip: show up wearig the exact same thing as ur interveiwer, whispre "dress for the job u want, right?" then just stare at them

Apr 5 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
maybe bears omly like honey so much becuase their throats hurt from all the growlimg they do

Mar 21 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
i wonder wat time is *looks at wrist only to realize i am not wearig a watch* ah yes, i had forgoten that time is but a invisible everything

Mar 14 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
if ur at a party and there are two dogs there, make sure the dogs dont start hangin out with each other or else u'll hav nobodey to talk to

Feb 18 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
i sent all my sims to universitey & they all became computer scientists & proved they were living in a simulation so i unpluged my computor

Feb 13 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
life is like a box of chocolabtes.. if sombody loves u, they wil share their box of chocolabtes with u

Jan 23 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
after every snowstorm, animals must spend a few brief moments wonderimg if nature has claimed back the world and the humans have finaly gone

Jan 23 2016 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
if u watch snowfall backwarbds, its abot the ground disolving into the sky to reveal the complex world it was hiding beneath it

Dec 11 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
hey sory i just saw this mesage u sent last month even tho all my notifications make sounds and my phone is in my hand even when im sleeping

Nov 21 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
the 10,000 hours rule is simpley not true i hav said "helo bird" to a bird for over 10,000 hours but i still cam't talk to birds

Nov 15 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
"the names bond, james bond" [5 min later] STARBUCKS BARISTA: i gota frappe for borbjorbple

Oct 29 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
the easiest way to get a ghost to stop hauntimg u is to change ur wifi password and act like u hav no idea why he cant conect to it anymore

Oct 24 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
video games hav a negative effect on children they teach them to learn and adapt to any world they find themselves in adn overcome obstacles

Oct 19 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
if somone acidentaly walks in while ur in the bathroom, do not react at all. this avoids embarasment & makes them wonder if they are a ghost

Oct 12 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
is there a sadder metaphor of ur adulthood destroying ur childhood than the fact that to get to work evryday u hav to burn up dead dinosaurs

Sep 11 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
[opens lunchbox] YOGURT?!? o no… that means… [my dad is at the office surounded by men and women in suits asking if they can hav a dunkaroo]

Sep 11 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
even if u realy hate sombody, u shoud never insult their physical apearance!!! bc as soon as u dig deeper u will find much stronger insults

Aug 18 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
"this is your captain speaking. i bet you're reading this in a man's voice. well guess what! i'm a woman captain. women are captains too."

Jun 23 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. teach a man theres plenty of fish in the sea but for som reason he still wont get over janice

May 29 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
when ur watchig netflix alone in bed and the scene blacks out so u see ur own reflection r u suposed to smile at urself? help i feel awkward

May 14 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
uh oh sombody posted a sad facebok status. i beter like it to show i care but also coment a sad face emoji to show i dont literaly "like" it

May 11 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
ugh im such a butterfingers (incredibly atractive except i hav very ugly fingers)

May 8 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
GOT MY MIND ON MY MONEY AND MY MONEY ON.. mmy mind.? but thats on my money, my money cant b on it, [concertgoers start whispering nervously]

May 8 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
SHE sells sea shells by the seashore. HE thinks selling shells is the next big thing. THIS FALL zoey deschabl & bemdict cumblach are, IDIOTS

May 7 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
shoot for the moon, even if u miss u'll forever be the one peopel point at and whispre "thats the idiot who shot literal bulets at the moon"

Apr 26 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
i dont refer to my fans as fans. i call them friends. anyway i'll buy one ceiling friend & two oscilatimg desk friends. now i hav 10 friends

Mar 23 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
whenever u hear a creak at night, dont wory its nothimg scary! its just a reminder that somthing u think is solid like a house actualy moves

Feb 9 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
a fun prank is when ur friemd about to sit in a chair u pul the chair out from under them and replace it w/ a fancier mor comfortabal chair

Jan 5 2015 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
are u nervous? do u hav nerves? dont wory. just take a deep breath. BUT NOT TOO DEEP!!! dont want ur lungs to pop. dont want that to hapen

Dec 18 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
mall santas make me mad becuase its like as if we need another reason to give jobs to old white men

Dec 12 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
hey! if u keep makimg faces like that u'll grow up to be a great physical comedian, able to unite peopel with laughter, adored by all, loved

Dec 11 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
ah, corduroy.... u are truley the ruffles chips of pants

Dec 10 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
and so, the squirrel who forgot where he buried his acorn became the squirel who planted this tall beautibful oak tree

Dec 6 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
movie reviews r fun to read if u imagine the reviewer is complainig abot their life: "bad dialogue" "not funy" "why is shia labeouf in this"

Dec 3 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
red (political majority) white (racial majority) and blue (militant majority)

Nov 21 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
[at goverment office] hi yes um.. my social security number isnt workimg. i've never once felt secure in a social situation

Nov 19 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
want to feel old?? theres stil a infinite number of small wonders u've yet to experiemce in ur incredible life. so too bad. now u feel young

Nov 12 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
*shows up at ur door holding a bouquet of flowers with all the petals ripped off* hi, i brought u som flowers that told me u love me

Oct 31 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
*pets a skeleton* u used to b a baby

Oct 17 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
there once was a wonderful poet who knew that one day he woud blow it cuz his poems woud rhyme most of the time but occasionaly they didnt

Oct 4 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
if evolution isnt real then sombody please explain how my couch has "evolved" to fit the shape of my butte

Aug 21 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
the umami flavor derives its nam from the phenomnenom of when u taste som realy good soy sauce & it causes u to sassily shout "oo, mami!"

Aug 21 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
maybe babys cry bc theyve realized their potential for greatness decreases w/ each passing secomd until they die an old soul w/ lost dreams

Aug 6 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
*smels vinyl record* The Continents r ok but they wer way beter befor they split up. do u kno the supergroup Pangaea? its from befor ur time

Jul 18 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
a girl told me "ppl dont look at the sky anymor" so i walked around looking up & it was beautiful & i bumped right into a kid lookin at bugs

Jul 7 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
a seemingly perfect utopia immediatley becoms a dystopia when u find out evryone refers to eachother by watever their first email adress was

Jun 26 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
if u were a pirate wat woud ur name be? mine woud be Nudebeard bc my beard is nude "I meant do you have any questions about the White House"

Jun 3 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
evrytime i go to the zoo, i break down in front of the bird exhibits & shout HOW DID THEY CATCH YOU. U CAN FLY. HOW DID U LET THEM CATCH YOU

May 30 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
moms outraged over new ninja turtels movie. "theres too much violence" says one mom. says another "they r named after guys who sculpt butts"

May 19 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
never trust a persom who speaks in absolutes

May 14 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
i feel like a hundred bucks! *my soul erupts with the strength of 100 wild male deers*

May 13 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
doing sports is ninety-eight percemt confidence and two thousand percent talent and three fifths makimg math dudes mad

Apr 22 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
do i own a boat? no no no. im afraid of the ocean. i guess u coud say.. *removes glasses* i cant sea

Apr 8 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
flavor flav's full name is flavor flavor

Apr 7 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
dont judge a book by its cover. dont judge a book at all. read a book. write a book. dont judge a book unless that book has murdered someone

Apr 4 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
the guy in charge of namimg the bagpipes definitly just took one look at it and gave up

Mar 22 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
this is ur daily reminder that u are free to do anythimg u want & u hav chosen to be trapped

Mar 18 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
a wise man once said to me: "why are u doing that? why do u exist? why are we talkimg?" a whats man once said to me: "what ar

Feb 27 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
its prettey gutsy that u call urself a salad, potato salad

Feb 19 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
*reads a note sombody put on my desk* [i heard u caught a cold! i hope it FLU away!] *drops note* what.. WAT IS THIS SOME SORT OF SICK JOKE

Feb 11 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
if u went back in time to kill hitler, itd be easier to kil pre-war hitler but then all the germans woud b like "yo why did u kill that kid"

Feb 6 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
*joaquin phoenix croses a street adn almost gets hit by a taxi* *mumbles to himsef* cmon man whyd he try to do that. i mean, im joaquin here

Jan 28 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
subtext of evrey SOTU twet: "im am only tweetimg abot the sotu so that evryone wil kno i am cultured adn politicaly conscious" #sotu

Part of a collection

Jan 28 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
but sir, if a picture is worth a thousamd words then i dont understamd why my essay cant just be 4 or 5 emojis

Jan 28 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
if anyone tels u "evryday is a gift, thats why its caled the present" just say "evryday begins in sadness, thats why its caled the mourning"

Jan 27 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
the smiley face :) emoticon was invemted becuase, for som reason, peopel are no longer comfortabel with using the words "i am happy"

Jan 24 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
no no no today isnt CASUAL friday, its CAUSAL friday. evrythimg u do today has a effect. for example: johnson why r u wearing jeans ur fired

Jan 20 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
"if inventimg a machine that alows man to soar through the air is wrong, i dont want to be Wright" - Wright brother, invemtor of airplabe

Jan 19 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
*points at self* the man.. *poimts at foot* the leg-end

Jan 17 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
look. life is bad. evryones sad. we're all gona die. but i alredy bought this inflatable boumcy castle so r u gona take ur shoes off or wat

Jan 9 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
9 out of 10 dentists agree: the 10th dentist is a dog, not a dentist. the 10th dentist argues that dogs can b dentists too

Jan 8 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
these days it seems like all the talented promisimg sandwich artists work for Subway, churning out the same lifeless corporate sandwibch art

Dec 25 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
thousamds of yrs ago i used up mankind's only wish & got peas placed on this earth. all the wars coud hav been prevented if i hadnt mumbled

Dec 17 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
kids r so cute!!! they dont wanna sleep becuase theyre afraid of having nightmares whereas adults cant wait to sleep so they can escape them

Dec 17 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
all the haters throwimg tomatos at me while im on stage dont seem to understand that im always lookimg for extra tomatos to make soup with

Dec 16 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
the existence of groundhog implys the existence of skyhog, treehog, oceanhog

Dec 16 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
everyday im faced w/ a choice b/w good & evil. i try to be good but why woud i ever choose MIRACLE whip when i can hav a HELL MANS MAYONAISE

Dec 15 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
if daniel day-lewis dies the doctors will hav to make extra sure he's dead. he may just be acting dead and no one woud ever kno

Dec 2 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
this guy was disemboweled? wel i guess u coud say *fumbles w/ shades and drops them in body* no ewww i droped my sunglases in the guts noooo

Dec 1 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
befor they had dog cops they tried cat cops but the cats kept meowing at the policemans durimg the stakeouts

Dec 1 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
mythical anciemt turtel that canot die has been found in the galapagos. "dont worry" says one scientist "we wil find a way to kill it"

Nov 27 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
"wat can i say.. im a people person" said the man who was ＭＡＤＥ ＯＵＴ ＯＦ ＰＥＯＰＬＥ

Nov 22 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
if ur in a bad mood & somone says "have a good day" the best response is to yell "HEY EVRYONE THIS DUDES HANDING OUT GOOD DAYS COME GET ONE"

Nov 17 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
"i before me, excepts after we.." - gollum in elementary school

Nov 16 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
be careful tonight honey, guys ur age only want one thing.... sports. so b careful not to look too much like sports out there

Nov 6 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
hmmm public speakimg clases..? well do u hav private speakimg clases? bc i hav a secret *leans in close to u* I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO WHISPER

Nov 3 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
he doesnt always use the internet, but when he does, he shares recipes & inspiratiomal quotes. he is..the most pinteresting man in the world

Nov 1 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
buzz lightyear's ful name is "bumblebee 9.46073×10¹² kilometers"

Oct 22 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
dont be sad, girl. u are like a iceberg.. 90% of ur beauty is below the surface. now 95%. now 100% OMG GIRL ARE YOU DROWNIMG

Oct 6 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
it is hard to b scared of a angry person once u realize that they just wanted to tie a knot but insted of using string they used their arms

Oct 3 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
well technicaly my oficial title is "head research scientist in the field of DNA sequencimg manipulation" but u can call me "gene hack man"

Oct 3 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
"welcom to salad shop do u want a salad" yes "do u want chicken on it" yes "do u want bread on the side" r u just selling unmade sandwiches

Sep 29 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
u cant teach an old fern new tricks. u cant teach any fern any tricks. basicaly a fern makes for a verey disobedient pet

Sep 28 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
the average american eats 8 spidres in their sleep evrey year, but the exceptional american strives to eat at least 20

Sep 27 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
actualy the childrens story "the three litle pigs" is the first documented report of a wolf WHO CAN BREATHE HURICANES

Sep 27 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
"ice, ice, baby. ice, ice, bab--no ice-- no thats definitly a babey" - man who has a job sorting babys and ice at the ice & baby factorey

Aug 27 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
first rule of fight club is no fightig. welcom to contradicton club evryone hav a seat adn dont hav a seat. also this isnt contradicton club

Aug 20 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
*wind starts wearimg sunglases adn 90s clothes* *wind starts recitimg will smith raps* wow this is som realy fresh air

Aug 18 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
Honey, I Shrunk Wrapped the Samdwiches for the Kids' Lumches is There Anythimg Else You Want Me to Do You Kno Theres a Big Game Tonigt Right

Aug 14 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
they used to allow cell phones on airplames but the pasengers kept textimg the pilots to do loop-de-loops & barrel rols. it was too rad

Jul 23 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
WAT DO WE WAMT "woaw calm dowm dude" WHEN DO WE WAMT IT "u kno this is just a line to try ham sampels at costco right"

Jul 18 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
look son... rome wasnt built in Adé!! rome was built in I-TA-LY. do u even kno where Adé is?! A-FRI-CA. AFRICA. how r u goimg to pass school

Jul 7 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
what idot caled his song "thrift shop" insted of "goodwill hunting"

Jul 4 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
helo girl are u a firework b/c i only see u maybe 3 times a year & ur very pretty & im scared to get closer to u

Part of a collection

Jun 28 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
has anyone else realized the movimg photos in hary poter are just gifs. theyre jus gifs like from intermet

Jun 16 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
haha lol ownded dad!!!! u may thimk its nice that u get a fathers day once a year, but ther is a son day evrey week

Jun 13 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
whenevre macklemore says "im gonna pop some tags" i jus pictur him sittimg in his basement, silently taggimg himself in photos on facebook

May 24 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
*opens cartomn of eggs revealimg twelve rocks wher the eggs normaly go* guys shh ill get u past security this way, jus keep actimg like eggs

May 6 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
what idiot caled it "king arthur adn the knigts of the roumd table" insted of a "circumference sir conference"

Apr 7 2013 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jonnysun
men r from mars , women r frm venus , neither are capable of reproducton or space travel so species dies out [RECALIBRATE SIMULATION?] <Y/N>