@juliussharpe
Marathons should keep going until only one person hasn't shit themselves and that person should be the winner.

@juliussharpe
I want to start a show about businesses in my neighborhood called, "HOW IS IT STILL OPEN??!"

@juliussharpe
It's crazy people freak out about ghosts but are totally fine with actual, horrible human beings.

@juliussharpe
It's really hard to balance work, family, and not caring about anything.

@juliussharpe
That picture of yourself that you hate now will look better than the best possible picture of you in five years.

@juliussharpe
I lost ten pounds! Learn my hot diet secret! (I replaced booze with pot)