Tweets by @juliussharpe added on Fun Tweets.
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Apr 27 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
Why the hell are Zach Braff, Zach Galifianakis & Zac Efron not running around Hollywood as the "Zach Pack"??? This needs to happen.

Apr 17 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
I've never approached even 10% of Aerosmith's level of excitement that a dude looks like a lady.

Apr 12 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
I like to ask the waiter, "What do you recommend?" then stare at him angrily while I order something completely different.

Mar 29 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
It's hard to be optimistic about the future when you go to YouTube and see how many people videotape their TV.

Mar 22 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
"Crap, I gotta get up and undressed for work." - strippers

Mar 10 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
My wife just bought toilet paper from Costco which is great because later today we're having 3,000 people over to take a shit.

Mar 7 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
Potential new slogan? "Vote Republican - the party of regulating butthole and vagina stuff".

collection

Feb 24 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
My least favorite thing about babies is how they don't understand it's the weekend.

Feb 14 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
The guy in front of me at the coffee shop just learned Whitney Houston died. He's gonna completely freak out when I tell him about 9/11.

collection

Jan 27 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
In most conversations, my face is basically a red battery logo with 10% written next to it.

Jan 24 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
R1D1 must have sucked.

Jan 14 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
Hey everyone in a play pretending to drive a car - stop steering so much.

Jan 14 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
"Every time I go out, the paparazzi wants to make an oil painting of me. So annoying." - 1700s celebrity

Jan 9 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
Today, I'm going to give it my some.

Dec 30 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
My negotiating strategy is to make a skeptical face for one second then pay what the other person asked.

Dec 13 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.

Dec 1 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
All it takes is 10 minutes without electricity to prove my total uselessness as a person.

Nov 25 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
Thanksgiving/Black Friday = "I'm so grateful for what I have/I need way more stuff, right now!" At least put a day in between.

collection

Nov 2 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
When someone says something is great, I take that as a personal challenge to not enjoy it.

Sep 29 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
From school to work, I've spent the majority of my life staring out a window, waiting to leave.

Sep 4 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
People who were huge fans of the Backstreet Boys are now in positions of responsibility, making important decisions.

Aug 26 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
It's not a nervous breakdown. I'm having a calm, rational breakdown based on an understanding of how fucked everything is.

Aug 13 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
I wish I had the self-confidence and assertiveness of the Adobe Acrobat updater.

Jul 28 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
Twitter would be a lot more interesting if when you hit someone with your car, you got their followers.

Jul 24 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
Thanks but I don't need help in your store or any other store. I've been in a ton of stores. I know how they work.

Jun 9 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
"I am John Lennon" - the Walrus

May 11 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
I can't even imagine what people did at red lights before cellphones.

May 5 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
I'm creeped out by the Hamburger Helper glove. "Hi, I'm a dismembered hand here to help out with dinner." No thanks.

Apr 24 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
Whenever I'm watching the NBA and a ref makes a bad call, I go down to Foot Locker and yell at the employees.

Apr 21 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
I just ate a salad that was so bad, Nicolas Cage is starring in a movie about it.

Mar 28 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
In a car it's illegal to not wear a seatbelt. But I guess if you're on a bus they figure death will be a sweet relief.

Feb 17 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
My favorite genre of rap is bragging about all the murders you committed then complaining the cops pull you over for no reason.

Feb 1 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
Twitter should give you rollover characters from your short tweets.

Feb 1 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
Seems like most rioting in the world happens in the countries with the least bacon.

Jan 18 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
When you start trying to pick out names for a baby, you realize how many jerks you know with different names.

Jan 6 2011 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
A fun thing to do is go to the Facebook page of someone you've never met and "like" hundreds of photos of their baby.

Dec 22 2010 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
I gotta imagine one of the worst things you can do is shit your snowsuit.

Dec 6 2010 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
If you're a douchebag, it's so easy to find the right hat.

Jun 16 2010 Favorite Retweet

juliussharpe
Interesting fact - 80% of people inside a Radio Shack have no idea how they got there or how to get out.