@juskewitch
Decided I wouldn't use my laptop for the next 4 days because I don't want to spend 30 seconds taking it out of my bag at the airport.

@juskewitch
A black guy willing to hold a frisbee, smile and sit on some grass with white kids can make a career out of appearing in college brochures.

@juskewitch
Native Americans don't have to go to work today because they've all been murdered.

@juskewitch
Popcorn. Potato. Frozen Pizza. Cold Coffee. James Incandenza. Defrost. Refrost. Cancer. Corn. ””Aren't these weird microwave buttons?

@juskewitch
Just thought to myself: If cars were people than taxi cabs would be whores. Then a crowded city bus drove by and I felt sick.

@juskewitch
Losing your phone makes dying in a car accident less likely but more appealing.