@matttuff
I like to stop at the UPS store late at night and leave little notes on their door letting them know I stopped by but they weren't open.

@matttuff
Thanks to the 96 years of sun bathing grandma doesn't need a leather jacket to ride on the motorcycle with me.

@matttuff
Other than Superman and the homeless has anyone used a phone booth in the last 10 years?

@matttuff
Almost done with my peanut butter & jelly sandwich and I now notice the bread is covered in mold, If you need me I'll be bathing in bleach.

@matttuff
My printer just woke from sleep mode with a huge toner.

@matttuff
I like to skip my digestive system and just place my Chipotle burrito directly into my toilet.