@michelleisawolf
A good pickup line is "I have a phone charger."

@michelleisawolf
When dancing and multiple girls yell "this is my song!" they should have to fight to the death to see whose it really is.

@michelleisawolf
"Great, those annoying white people that talk loud and take all the good seats just walked in" -everyone else in the coffee shop in Friends.

@michelleisawolf
In all fairness, Todd Akin was voted into office... several times. Maybe democracy isn't really our thing.

@michelleisawolf
Been trying to order lunch for 4 hours. First I had to pick a place and then I had to make sure it also believes all the things I do.

@michelleisawolf
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there'd be no problems.