@not_CNN
These animal crackers are bullshit, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.

@not_CNN
I can only imagine Hugh Hefner ejaculating is like a really weak firecracker going off in a bag of flour.

@not_CNN
That time of year again. Time to impregnate some chick at the office Christmas party and use my bonus to pay for the abortion. Pff holidays.

@not_CNN
It's official. I hate Nickelback more than terrorism.

@not_CNN
ople who say they'd go back and change things in their life if they could are pussies, you don't get this awesome without the shitty parts

@not_CNN
Dear women, you're all fucking crazy. Signed, every dude.