@robdelaney
My wife and I are screaming at each other from different toilets while our sons shoot each other with bb guns

@robdelaney
I wonder what the chimpanzee who will one day feast on your eyes and fingers is doing today.

@robdelaney
Let's make this house party... a *home* party.

@robdelaney
I am going to live stream my extremely Mexican wife farting onto an 8x10 photograph of Donald trump at midnihgt

@robdelaney
Granny Smith must have been a shitty person because her apples suck.

@robdelaney
It would be funny if after making love to Jennifer Lawrence she stood up & fired 50 or 60 arrows into my sweaty body.