@thomas_violence
it's my belief that no comedian should be muscular. you can either make people laugh or open jars by yourself, never both

@thomas_violence
trying to 100% this airbnb by farting in every room + cupboards

@thomas_violence
a large part of my teenage years i believed i was an interesting person bc a Linkin Park song i liked had some sort of oriental flute in it

@thomas_violence
its such a weird coincidence that all these young financial successes all have rich parents, despite being completely self-made

@thomas_violence
nothing is more unattractive than insecurity unless that doesnt sound right haha i mean whatever you guys think

@thomas_violence
wow if you dont pronounce 'testicles' like its the name of a greek warrior

@thomas_violence
look, men and women are BIOLOGICALLY different. ever since the cave man times boys have loved cars and girls have loved toy ovens

@thomas_violence
'gamer' & 'foodie' are bullshit labels because they suggest you are something b/c you passively enjoy something everyone passively enjoys

@thomas_violence
i have an iq of 152 so actually its not "dumb" that im trapped in this tiny slide for children

@thomas_violence
you got to be fast to make it in advertising kid. gotta be snappy. gotta be clever. how would you sell a car? thats right: titties

@thomas_violence
you're all like "haha interpretive dance what a humorous concept" until you see a professional do it then you shit yourself with wonder

@thomas_violence
you can pretend to be a tortured artist for like ages before people check if you really do art or not