@trayofcheese
So far I've kept my resolution to not date any super models.

@trayofcheese
A solid way to make your waiter's head explode is to order a grilled cheese with no bread.

@trayofcheese
If someone tweets in the bathroom they are live streaming.

@trayofcheese
I promise to remain the same grounded, gracious, friend I've always been after winning $7 from Powerball #dreams

@trayofcheese
Ketchup bottle farts are just as funny as people farts.