@weinerdog4life
Every time you put on a jean jacket your middle name changes to "jean jacket" on your birth certificate.
Every time you put on a jean jacket your middle name changes to "jean jacket" on your birth certificate.
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@weinerdog4life
Punish your cat by lint rolling him until he is completely gone.
Punish your cat by lint rolling him until he is completely gone.
@weinerdog4life
Me: Waiter, there's a duck in my soup Waiter: That's a pond, you're at a park, I'm just here with my family, will you put some pants on?
Me: Waiter, there's a duck in my soup Waiter: That's a pond, you're at a park, I'm just here with my family, will you put some pants on?
@weinerdog4life
I've squirted this entire bottle of No More Tears shampoo in this babies face, he's still crying, babysitting is hard.
I've squirted this entire bottle of No More Tears shampoo in this babies face, he's still crying, babysitting is hard.
@weinerdog4life
I ate one of those artisan pizzas and now I can't stop painting my bathroom.
I ate one of those artisan pizzas and now I can't stop painting my bathroom.
@weinerdog4life
I just killed 84 birds with 1 stone at Petsmart, totally destroying the previous record of 2.
I just killed 84 birds with 1 stone at Petsmart, totally destroying the previous record of 2.