Jul 18 2021 Retweet
Doesn’t make any fucking sense that Cinderella had a different shoe size from every other bitch in that town.
Jul 18 2021 Retweet
trying to flirt with a waitress and accidentally writing my phone number in the tip section of the receipt and charging 7 billion dollars to my debit card
Jul 18 2021 Retweet
How come in the movies when the bartender says, "what'll you have?" and the guy answers, "whisky," the bartender never says, "look behind me. There's 120 different bottles back there and they're all whisky. Let's start over. What'll you have?"
Jul 18 2021 Retweet
sick of all these cute pet names like mittens or daisy. i’m getting a dog and naming it something cool like truckstop or concrete
Jul 13 2021 Retweet
I hate when ppl email back too quickly. i just ticked that off my todo list, now i gotta add this to the list again