Christmas 2014 - Christmas is an annual commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ celebrated generally on December 25 as a religious and cultural holiday by billions of people around the world.

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Dec 25 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@alispagnola
Hey babe, are you eggnog? Because no one really likes you but I’m ok with it as long as you’re filled with tons of liquor.

Dec 25 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@GreyDeLisle
"Merry Christmas!" - Mass text from someone who hates you

Dec 24 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@birbigs
Instead of presents, give your kids "presence." Then explain how homonyms can be hilarious. Then leave forever.

Dec 24 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@hipstermermaid
I understand the historical significance of coal, but I just wish Santa would consider distributing renewable energy punishments.

Dec 24 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@MikeDrucker
Merry Christmas, everyone looking at their phones right now!

Dec 22 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@ConanOBrien
My wife wants our Christmas gifts to be handmade this year, so I carved her a Radio Shack gift card.

Dec 21 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@robdelaney
What flavor vape oil are you leaving out for Santa this year?

Dec 21 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@jdgmntlgay
can we make out under the mistletoe for 2 hours to get into the spirit of christmas

Dec 15 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@JimGaffigan
Jeez did Santa's agent turn down a single commercial?

Dec 14 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@sacha_is_good
"I don't want a lot for Christmas." Later... "All I want for Christmas is you." EXACTLY WHAT DOES THAT DO FOR MY SELF-CONFIDENCE, MARIAH.

Dec 14 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@DamienFahey
I'll attend your holiday party if I can spend the entire night alone lying on the bed with all the coats in the room with your dog.

Dec 13 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@TheNardvark
I still haven’t buttoned my pants back up from Thanksgiving.

Dec 11 2014 Reply Favorite Retweet

@hipstermermaid
Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas is you(r HBO GO password).