@peteholmes
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did last night and at the beginning add the word "stop."

@alispagnola
My 2013 resolution was to eat an apple a day. I still have a few more hours to eat 365 apples.

@JoeMande
My resolution is to get fat and spend money

@trevso_electric
I can't tell you how much your mass text meant to me last night.

@meganamram
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)

@UNDEADTRESOR
Some guy just said "See you next year" to me and I just started hitting him and blacked out then came to in a puddle of blood.

@johnvvariety
imagine new years eve 100 years ago hahah. "Damn 1914 is gonna be cool, i bet there wont be war" There was loser. your new year sucked

@CloydRivers
Boston bomber hid in a boat. Obamacare forced down our throat. Aaron Hernandez in the slammer. Miley Cyrus licked a hammer. 2013 in Merica.

@markleggett
"2013 was awful, but 2014 is going to be amazing!" NOPE. MORE OF THE SAME.

@ElizaBayne
Ugh. New Year's Eve is just around the corner and I STILL haven't picked out which gang sign I'm going to hold up in photos

@KevinFarzad
If someone says "see you next year!" in an attempt to be clever, a good response is to avoid them for all of 2014.