@andylassner
If you're tweeting about which US players suck - remember this - they're in the Olympics and you're on your couch with a very mediocre life.

@neiltyson
I occasionally wonder whether people who are good at Olympic Curling are also good at sweeping out the basement.

@hunterschwarz
Guns don't win gold medals, people on skis with guns win gold medals.

@DCpierson
The Olympics remind us that no matter what country we may be from, we all look dumb using an iPad as a camera

@sixthformpoet
TOP TIP: Get thousands of Twitter followers very quickly by simply winning your country's first Winter Olympics gold medal.

@EliTerry
"looks like a burrito fell out his pocket, hes crawling up to get it and crying. thats gonna cost points" - commentators on my snowboard run

@mikeyerxa
I wonder if Sarah Palin is enjoying watching big name American athletes do poorly at the Olympics from her house.

@reidthis
Is there an Olympic event for untangling Apple earbuds?

@fart
congrats to all the non-medaling olympians. for most people the painful slide into mediocrity takes years but you get to do it in seconds

@markleggett
Spent ten minutes watching some British Olympic athlete killin' everyone on the Downhill Ski before realising that I'm watching a Bond film.

@briangaar
As an American, the Olympics are a reminder to me that other countries exist

@JasonBiggs
FUN FACT: The very first Russian national anthem was just the sounds of empty vodka bottles crushing the skulls of Siberian Huskies. #sochi

@Cheeseboy22
Just held my own opening ceremonies for this bag of Cheetos I just opened.

@Fred_Delicious
It'd be a pretty strong anti-homophobia statement if all the bobsleigh teams went down in the 69 position

@kellyoxford
I'd be so pissed off if I trained my whole life to qualify for the Olympics and ended up in Sochi.

@burnie
Next time, let's just hold the Olympics online.

@DamienFahey
My toilet just overflowed and it reminded me to DVR the Sochi Olympic Games.