Jun 24 2020 Reply Favorite Retweet
@lifeofbryony
If you cut off the string and tag from a teabag and stick it just inside a coffee mug, so it dangles over the outside and looks like there's tea in there, you can fill the mug with gin and avoid judgement from your family.
Jun 24 2020 Reply Favorite Retweet
@balmthreat
My 72 year-old mother just informed me she is going to her first "sex party" and doesn't know what to bring. After some delicate questioning, "Gender Reveal, Mom. It's called a Gender Reveal."
Jun 22 2020 Reply Favorite Retweet
@samlymatters
Just realized there has never been an easier time for teenagers to buy beer with a fake ID. “Oh that doesn’t look like me? Really? You can tell just from the eyes? No I will NOT take my mask off.”