@badbanana
My wax museum is going to start small by focusing on famous people who look like candles.

@MaraWilson
My heart goes out to the teenage girls in California who, due to the drought, can no longer take "unusually long" baths like we did

@PaulyPeligroso
It really doesn't matter what the tattoo across your collar bone says. All I see is "My Dad Never Went To My Little League Games Sober."

@WillyWonkaJr
January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December, Cucumber...

@pauldanke
I feel like the length of my twitter name is juuuuuust wedging me out of many MANY #FF tweets #delusional

@JohnFugelsang
Dear Netflix; when I got my first dvd by mail all those years ago I never dreamed that one day you would raise a child for me.