@RexHuppke
Happy 34% of Americans Tuesday.

@crushingbort
Wow you changed your makeup in 16 different hot ways. And where did you learn those 8 moves that drove me wild *sees Cosmo on the table* ah

@Paxochka
Just wrote "Rhanks" to someone. Who am I? Scooby Doo?

@Sarcasmo718
Nothing says "I've given up" like a fat person with a stomach tattoo.

@ColoradoUgly
The government closed my non-profit clean needle exchange because we were just wiping 'em off with an old rag.

@Kyle_Lippert
Olive Garden really does make you feel like family. Last time I went there my server told me a racist joke & asked why I wasn't married yet.