@electradical
ke$ha gets caught in the currency exchange market she is now ke0.77€ha

@trevso_electric
Sleep with too many rich people and you can get Herpès

@brentcetera
I'm drunk and ready to get retarded! Wait, that's not politically correct. I'm soberly-challenged and ready to get retarded!

@TheTweetOfGod
Most irons aren't made from iron, which ironically is both ironic and unironic.

@buck4itt
Hey Science, "mission accomplished" on the boner pills. How about a laptop battery that will stay up for four hours.

@jennyandteets
Hipsters only know their weight in Instagrams.