@Beerhaze
Undecided voters are the same undecided people we hate for holding up the buffet line.

@Beerhaze
"Sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs, snakes, spiders and rugby players bite." How Aussie parents tuck their kids into bed at night.

@Beerhaze
"Hello! You have a nice dog. Opiates are bad. Beautiful day today. My parents talk to pixies. Bye!" - Polite home-schooled kid I met today.

@Beerhaze
Madonna is now in that part of her career where she can only surprise people at the Super Bowl by giving birth to an antelope on stage.

@Beerhaze
I find it odd that my son's teacher would like to see him skip grade one without knowing how horribly he screwed up when doing our taxes.

@Beerhaze
iPhone 5's voice-to-text feature auto-corrects "Horny enough to bang your mom!" to "Sorry to hear about your mom!" USELESS for Twitter.